Tegami wa dasanai
by Shuurei
Summary: etou... Sanzo is in bad mood after losing a letter he can't send. And the gods of fate decided to let the letter fall on the wrong hands at least that's what Sanzo thinks. Just read. [one-shot and SanzoxHakkai]


**Tegami wa dasanai [the letter I can't send]**

A/N: The poem "Darkness in me" is written by J. Howard. It's one of my fave poem. I read it first 3 years ago and remembered it just now. Thanks to my friend who help me look for a copy of the poem. 

Disclaimer: Gensoumaden Saiyuki characters belong to no one else but to Kazuya Minekura. 

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_Hakkai, 

  
The darkness in me has fallen in love with the light in you   
The night in me has fallen in love with the day in you.   
The deep sea in me has fallen in love with the full moon in you   
I am turning always towards your radiance, wave after wave of love,   
Breaking on the bright shores of the morning in you. 

_

This poem says what I feel towards you and best describes my feelings for you. I tried to ignore such feelings but it continually persists. I tried to deny it but it persistently resist. I tried to bar you from my life but I yearned for your presence endlessly. I tried to run away from it but it always caught up with me. Everything I do to keep us away from each other is futile because I can't bear to stay away from you. I have fallen in love with you deeper than I should have.   
  

    
    -Sanzo

Hakkai smiled as he read the letter for the nth time. It was written in a careless and elegant handwriting. He had chance upon the letter this morning when they were about to leave for the next town. He was the last to leave in the room shared by him and Sanzo. As he was about to step outside, something caught his eyes. A paper near the foot of the bed and almost under the bed. He knew he haven't seen that paper last night and out of curiosity he picked it up. Unfolded it, scanned the contents. When he saw the name of the sender and the recipient and few words of the letter he decided to read it properly before he'll return it to Sanzo. But after the demon have read it for the first time he realized he wanted to have it for few hours. He read it again during their breaks and the more he read it, the more he was tempted to keep it. That's why he still has it in his hands a day after he has found it. 

A smoking Sanzo was walking back and forth in his room. His other hand carelessly holding a can of beer. A deep and dark frown was etched on his face. He had been in a very bad mood the second he found out that he had lost the letter he can't send. He ignored Goku and Gojyo's fights at the back seat while they were driving to the town they were in now. None of his three companions disturbed him knowing how dangerous he can get. A vocally pissed off Sanzo is dangerous and scary how much more if its a silent pissed off Sanzo. He wrote the letter 9 months ago out of boldness. He immediately folded the paper and went down to give it to Hakkai. But the second he sat in front of a smiling Hakkai all boldness disappeared. He tried to tear the letter for many times but every time his hands were posed to tear it, something stops him. He felt that tearing the paper was tearing his heart because in a way he placed his heart on that letter, had poured all emotions on that letter. He hoped that none of his companions had the letter. He can't imagine the smug look they'll have if they will learn that the aloof corrupt monk has developed love to a particular demon. Sanzo cursed floridly. He glared at the door when he heard a knock on it. 

"What do you want?" he demanded when he saw Hakkai in front of his door. 

Hakkai smile "I just wanted to have someone to talk to but the two were having their afternoon nap and I don't want to disturb them. So I was wondering if it would be all right if we'll talk?" 

In reply Sanzo just looked at him smugly and went across the room. 

"I guess it was a bad idea after all" Hakkai muttered under his breath. 

"How am I going to hear you with this kind of distance? Do you want to shout while talking?" Sanzo asked irritably. 

"I'm sorry," Hakkai said as he stepped inside the room and closed the door. He sat on the chair across Sanzo's. 

"Yesterday all my hesitations are gone," Hakkai said, "As if the burdens of the world were taken from my shoulders". 

"Congratulations" Sanzo said dryly. You are so fortunate, Sanzo thought. 

"Yesterday I found whatever I was looking for. It was an intervention coming from heaven". 

"Lucky you" Here I am still looking for the letter, Sanzo said mentally. 

This is so boring, Sanzo complained mentally as Hakkai went on and on. Sanzo was so engrossed in his thoughts that he didn't notice Hakkai standing up. The monk let out a gasp when he felt arms embracing him from behind and as he smell Hakkai's scent teasing his nostrils and Hakkai's warmth seeping to his body. 

"What are you doing?" Sanzo hissed just as Hakkai held the letter right in front of his eyes. Sanzo just watched as Hakkai let go of the letter and let it fall to the table. 

"You made me suffer when all along you felt the same way for me" Hakkai whispered. 

"So it's been with you all along" Sanzo drawled. 

"Of course. It's mine if only you have the guts to give it to me" 

Sanzo grunted and pulled Hakkai on his lap. 

"Y'know you also made me suffer" Sanzo whispered huskily his eyes on Hakkai's inviting lips. 

"I guess we are even then" Hakkai replied as he wrapped his arms around Sanzo's neck. 

Sanzo pulled Hakkai's head and kissed him. Hakkai groaned at the back of his throat and Sanzo pulled him closer. 

When they broke apart, Sanzo was kissing Hakkai's forehead, his cheeks and his eyes. 

"I guess this is our fate" Hakkai murmured. 

"Hakkai… I don't care if this is fate or some heavenly intervention. All I care about is you" Sanzo declared before he kissed Hakkai again. 

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July 7, 2003 

A/N: I hope that didn't suck that much. ^_^ comments are more than welcome. Saa~ benkyo... benkyo de~su ^^| 


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